A Nation Under Judgment
For many months I have been pondering my decision of joining a church that is so unlike the realms that I was raised with.. In so much pondering my faith has grown and allowed me to separate my self from the social pleasures and activities. It has allowed me to evaluate if their are true Prophets on the earth today that are mouth pieces of Jesus Christ. If there were such a thing, I believe they would be speaking in the tone of Pastor Baldwin.
As I have been told in the past by Leaders of this organization, "When my husband see's the light", or when my husband comes around, I will be then allowed to have all the true comforts of eternal life and true happiness on earth. After 6 years waiting to obtain a temple recommend all to be told that I had to have permission from my husband in a written letter. I was very discouraged by this because in most cases my Husband is a very humble man and if I were to place him under judgment or compare him to others with a higher place in this organization, he is far more worthy in just his attitude alone and his attitude towards others.. At first obtaining a letter was not so bad I thought. We had agreed as a couple that I would do the church thing alone. We both had our uncomfortable feelings about it. We chose to support each others beliefs. That meant that I wasn't going to bother Zach with church business and he would support that I wanted to take our boys on Sunday by myself. Zach was willing to write a letter but I decided that I wasn't going to the Temple and I wasn't sure if I would remain active in church. I have been pondering this over a year now and have finally made a solid decision. Even though some may take this as me being offended, I am not.
Well then it gets more and more complicated because from here on out to do anything I would need a written and supported letter from my husband. So yes to attend the temple a written letter, to have my boys baptized a written letter. This was all due to the fact that Zach was a member of this organization, baptized the day he turned 8 in hopes of never disappointing his parents. At the age of 18 Zach left the church and only returned a few times(after I was baptized) in the case of seeing if it might work again in his life. In some cases I wanted it to work for him but I knew deep down it is not what he believed and I was okay with that. To make a long story short I came across a few books from the churches past. It started with David McCay's daughter and well after that my heart could not deny what I was feeling the day of my baptism. What I was urged in prayer to do I ignored. I fasted thinking that the urge would go away but it never did. I was baptized anyway. Learning the scriptures from a young age has helped me decipher these feelings. I didn't know what they were at first but now I do. I needed to go through with this. I needed to learn where my husband family's beliefs came from. I needed to understand the pain staking devotion that some of them had for it. In this I feel I have a better perspective and can now have a true opinion of it. There is more to the story but I've wanted to post on this for a while and here is a start.
Needless to say I have left for good and I am comfortable about expressing it to friends and family. I had a wonderful journey through this transformation. I learned who I really am and what I truly believe. I also have learned that those beliefs are ever so changing with courage, strength and integrity. Will I ever go back? Probably not. Will I raise my boys in the same beliefs I have or will I read them the word of God to let them decide for themselves? All I can say is my heart knows the way. My heart led me to baptism when I was twelve to another baptism when I was twenty-six and now back again. My boys will have the knowledge obtained by the scriptures but they won't have to decide when they are 8 if this is the path for their life. As they grow to young men they will know what their heart tells them. They will make the choice for themselves. They will not be guided by the guilt and they will not make the decision out of not wanting to disappoint me..
I no longer feel stuck in the same place that I have been in for the last 6 years. I am truly happy to be free from it.
I have listened to Pastor Baldwins sermons for many years. My heart has lead me back to my roots. I agree with Pastor Baldwin completely and he is a true inspiration to what I think Christians should truly be.
